Will you blow on my dice?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
