the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
