so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
