I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
