I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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