WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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