5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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