break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
