I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
