Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
