first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
