She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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