it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
