She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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