Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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