why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
