That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
