i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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