Nicole vs. Life
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
