You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
