none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
