don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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