Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
