Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
