I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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