my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
