I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
