Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
