Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
