I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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