I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Non-Jews are for practice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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