Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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