Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
