i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
