I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
