I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
