This house was built for laser tag.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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