So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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