We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
