Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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