I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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