I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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