Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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