even my farts smell like vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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