Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wrigley field is MILF paradise
handjob tips. give me some.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
