He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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