she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
