In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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