i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
