I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
