Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
