update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
